More than rainbows, unicorns...and such..

Have you ever felt under-appreciated? Yes? No? Whatever it is, you know it's fking dreadful.

Under-appreciated. Yeah, it is like the borderline between 'yes, you're important because you can do this things and so-so..' and 'yeah, you're that bad. It's just like this but you didn't even made it up?!' 

I know, this time, this isn't 'self-pitying' as you want to see this, I actually think of that way too. That I might be just putting it so seriously that it worries me and it could lead to depression or suicidal tendencies. It also actually confuses me if I should say this now..I'm sick and tired.

Too nice. So much patience. 'Someone who will be always on your side' type. Many of them would say. (and many of them thinks so as well, I guess..) But my life is more than rainbows, unicorns and such..

You know the so-so cliche saying that, (non-verbatim) A person who smiles a lot is the one who hides a lot, I guess it's true. I'm living up my life with that overused internet quote.

Those moments would come whenever my father, yup, he is, that I can't feel his appreciation to me. We're not that close. But that doesn't mean he is unimportant to me. To the point that I think he hates me, he would always look for me when I am not around, pretty sweet right? but only to make errands or scold me because I went home late like for only four to six times this year? AND THAT ISN'T EVEN A PARTY/CLUBBING OR SOME SUSPICIOUS EVENT THAT I ATTENDED. 

This may sound so childish, but I'm a type of person who just hangs on internet, almost 24 hours a day, so that would just mean I'm always at home, rarely posting personal stuffs on social media, who doesn't have even Instagram and inactive a Twitter account, who stares blankly at my phone because I'm reading a novel, or do some work-related stuffs at my computer.

Seriously, I am not ate. And you know what, you don't just trust me, right?

I remember that Mom would said that I shouldn't marry someone like Dad. 

But I am already determined not to be like Mom anyway.

But I always pray for you, for the instances you understand me or not, no matter what.

*Grammar errors are inevitable since English isn't my native language. I proofread every now and then.*