Truth and Expectations

If there's a warning line/sign for the amount of expectations I made these past few weeks, I would be definitely beating the red line (light). 

Good ol' times.

I expected that I would be sad or be in grief when I poured out all of my angst that day. Never did I feel at least to be worried, regretful or lonely. I think that was the best time; of all the times I wanted to. 

Unpicking clique.

I just want to smack myself why did the heck I joined there. To all of my expectations I had, this is to blame. Damn liars. I now confirmed to myself that I have trust issues to these kinds of community. How do I get off?

Hey expectations! Back off! 

Since it's Friday! I'm the cat on the right; except I'm holding the mouse and waiting...

So I'll just leave these here..

I just can not explain right now. Thanks to these.

All credits goes to the owners. 

Stay pressed.

In the long run..

I had felt a whirlwind of emotions these past few weeks (?). I did not seem to realize that November is already leaving its dates and slowly welcoming us again with December and its holiday feels. sighs

New community. New struggles.

After I have been officially part of a certain clique, I actually find it enjoying! On the downside of this, it is quite time consuming, especially when most of time you are the only one contributing the most and some of the members were a bit inefficient while entertaining the others with your most 'Ms. Congeniality' appeal. smh. Still, I don't want to quit yet, it's too early for that. I just want to see how far this would go.

Sibling.

My older sister lately sucks bigtime. If I were just the ate..if and only if.. I hope she will fix this sooner. smh again

Same old friends.

Who would have knew that I just need some pep talk from my oldies but goodies friends of mine to brighten up my mood this past few lonesome weeks? IT'S FREAKINGGGG GOOOOOOD! I heart you guys bigtime! Hihi :)

Work.

Heh. I promise to spend my remaining APEC days in improving my tasks at work.TIME MANAGEMENT ON!

Sorry for the short post! Just...hug a potato! Anyone?

On Commuting...

So today I went to a mall to see new friends on the block. Socializing is not bad enough for a hopeless romantic like me. SMH

Anyway, I resort to commuting since it is weekend and I can't afford to disturb Dad for my personal reasons/trips around our city. Just a few minutes after I sat on the jeep and counted my coins for the fare, two young street boys (the usual batang namamalimos here in our corrupted country) went straight up on aisle of the jeep and the older one knelt while distributing their greasy envelopes of mercy. 

Some older folks kept returning the envelopes (and I did as well, of course, it won't help them, really.) because it will just perpetuate the vicious cycle of their daily monkey business. I thought it would just be their normal 'hey-I-need-money-day'; but what irked me the most is when the older boy suddenly looted the monay of the lady in front of me! and take note, the lady was still munching it. SO DISAPPOINTING. Like me, the lady was surprised and we both stared at the older street boy. 

In a swift move, he instantly faced me and asked again for money. 

"Tvng-inv, may pagkain ka na nga, nanghihingi ka pa ng pera."

My subconcious whispering me; but no, I did not told him that.

Unknowingly, I just stared at him for a few moments and it broke up when the driver tells them to go down. 

Sinigawan pa kami ng madamot pagkababang-baba nila.

PUNYETA.

More than rainbows, unicorns...and such..

Have you ever felt under-appreciated? Yes? No? Whatever it is, you know it's fking dreadful.

Under-appreciated. Yeah, it is like the borderline between 'yes, you're important because you can do this things and so-so..' and 'yeah, you're that bad. It's just like this but you didn't even made it up?!' 

I know, this time, this isn't 'self-pitying' as you want to see this, I actually think of that way too. That I might be just putting it so seriously that it worries me and it could lead to depression or suicidal tendencies. It also actually confuses me if I should say this now..I'm sick and tired.

Too nice. So much patience. 'Someone who will be always on your side' type. Many of them would say. (and many of them thinks so as well, I guess..) But my life is more than rainbows, unicorns and such..

You know the so-so cliche saying that, (non-verbatim) A person who smiles a lot is the one who hides a lot, I guess it's true. I'm living up my life with that overused internet quote.

Those moments would come whenever my father, yup, he is, that I can't feel his appreciation to me. We're not that close. But that doesn't mean he is unimportant to me. To the point that I think he hates me, he would always look for me when I am not around, pretty sweet right? but only to make errands or scold me because I went home late like for only four to six times this year? AND THAT ISN'T EVEN A PARTY/CLUBBING OR SOME SUSPICIOUS EVENT THAT I ATTENDED. 

This may sound so childish, but I'm a type of person who just hangs on internet, almost 24 hours a day, so that would just mean I'm always at home, rarely posting personal stuffs on social media, who doesn't have even Instagram and inactive a Twitter account, who stares blankly at my phone because I'm reading a novel, or do some work-related stuffs at my computer.

Seriously, I am not ate. And you know what, you don't just trust me, right?

I remember that Mom would said that I shouldn't marry someone like Dad. 

But I am already determined not to be like Mom anyway.

But I always pray for you, for the instances you understand me or not, no matter what.

*Grammar errors are inevitable since English isn't my native language. I proofread every now and then.*