Before 2016 ends

Hello. This has been a really looooong time! So where should I start?
I'm actually thinking twice if I should make another entry here before 2016 ends or.. but I realize I have to let this one go for me to start a new, clear, and bright 2017. ;)

Mostly things at work had gone crazy and messed up. Haha. School's fine, nothing thrilling much. We're done with Year-End party so the graduation ceremony would be the only problem on 2017. As at the office, I got regularized last October! Awesome, right?  Company activities were laid on our way, so I participated on some like blocked cinema screening, donations for seedlings, and aeta tutorial. I must say that I got pretty close to some of my workmates which shouldn't be bad but things really cross the line when you least expect it...

I had a crush on someone.
But hey, that wasn't bad, right? Every one has or had a crush. However, SHE might not feel the same.. and I started questioning myself too; am I just bored? am I just curious? am I just confused? or am I just too thrilled with the idea of being loved? With what happened right now, I would answer YES to these questions.

I approached her twice about these feelings I had, she probably finds it amusing since she also confessed that she felt the same way not until I apologized to her with my non-stop jests and cheesy jokes I say to her—when that's also the exact time that I felt something loud in my chest. After the first time we talked, I admit, it lessened the feelings I had for her, but it was still there. :(

Just two days before out vacation starts, I conversed with her for the second time. This time, I was planning to make this one out for once. If possible. If I could ask her to at least try it. But that day, those words and reactions I've heard and seen we're not the ones I had expected. I'd now prefer to assume that she doesn't see me the way I see her. End of the story.

That then I realized that it was always only me until the very end. I crushed myself with my own words and expectations. Even up until now, it is not yet gone in my heart and mind. I need space. I'm planning to avoid her as much as possible, this may sound lame and might label me as 'someone who's afraid of love', then why should I give time to someone who doesn't feel the same way to me?

--
Hi. This may be harsh but I hope you'll get why I said and did that last time. But if you don't, just please understand me. I'll now stop communicating to you—last time, I said I'll miss you when vacation comes and you just thanked me. How stupid I am to expect you to say the same thing? Pft. Funny.
I'll now stop noticing you—I said that what do you have that I still have these feelings for you but you just responded by saying what should you do now; how stupid I am in expecting you to at least show some/say caring words to me. Assuming.
I'll now stop smiling—for that day, when I asked you about us, you told me that you don't expect anything and also you do not see yourself with me. I felt so lost, which I observed that you don't value something/someone that much. In which I hope you'll regret sooner or later.
--

I realized that we met people for two reasons:
Either they'll stay and be with you or they'll just actually pass by and remind you of life's lessons. :)

Honestly, I'm 50% fine now and moving on. I'm on accepting phase but for sure, I won't be the same old she knows by 2017. It's too tiring.

See you next year!
<3